The Bad Mood Times for Digital Scrappers
Saturday, June 10, 2006 at 03:31PM I’m not sure if you may have noticed or not, but recently (and I’m talking months, not days) I’ve been more than a little down. I’m unsure of my future in anything, including my personal life, and my career - and being unable to get onto many scrapbooking forums from work now just makes me feel socially ostracised as well. Add some long-term health struggles, and I’ve sometimes got a right ol’ mood on. I’ve lost my mojo with it, of course - although it may be difficult to see that from the outside. Because I’m still “going through the movements”. Blogging, creating, pushing out layouts, sitting out in the sun, dressing up barbie dolls with my daughter, trying to be the adult in decision making and looking over bickering spats in workmates and employees. Although it looks like I’m still here, it’s becoming more and more relevant to me that this somehow seems like I’m just pretending, or in some kind of surreal dream.
This is the longest period I’ve gone through something like this, but I can understand why - health problems are causing almost constant female hormonal imbalances, I’ve got to a point in my new job where they have restructured, taken my old boss away, and are finally now seeing what I can and can not do for them; and my daughter is now this young active girl who is constantly learning and seeking our attention in it - and I’m beginning to worry about what to do with her when she goes to school. Or of being a bad parent. Life happens. Sometimes I think I need to pull away from it, as it gets too much. Recently all I’ve wanted to do is crawl under my duvet and never come out again.
There are lots of creatives like that - we are an emotional bunch, and I’ve often suggested that’s they way I prefer it (unless embroiled personally in the sometimes freaky bickering that appears in scrapbooking forums or workplaces alike). But until recently, the darker side of our natures have often been forgotten. Although shared by many scrapbookers out there, my deep dark side of bad moods and sad thoughts hasn’t had an outlet in my own personal digital endevours. Although many people out there have blogged about it, as have I on several occasions - those blogs often don’t get that great a response. I too, am always unsure of what to say other than the ridiculous - “Cheer Up, There is a Light at the End of the Tunnel” sort of thing.
It’s hot today - around the 28 degree mark here in England. And this hot, sweltering summer afternoon is being spent by almost the entire nation as we speak, not indoors seeking the shade - but indoors watching the first England game in the World Cup. As football rules this country, I seek out some retail comfort, and am spending a small fortune buying up digital products around the web. And look what I found to satisfy my own bad mood side - the half of me that we sometimes have to deny exists.
At Scrapbook Bytes I went looking for Meredith Fenwick’s latest Urban Colors Collection (love these) but got drawn into spending a lot with Lie Fhung as well. First her new charity kit drew my attention. Resiliance is such a mood-defying name. This is a truly beautiful kit, and I bought that one up also, not just for the sake of the charity, but because the deep colours and symbols kind of help. Then I noticed the next Lie Fhung, which began to make me take note.
Soul Searching is a set of deep-coloured papers and basic elements, but with About Me type wordart. It is when you take a look at the complementary word art kit in Lie’s Articulate range that you start realising just how deep (or indeed dark) you might be able to take a layout, if needbe. Words and phrases such as “I was lost” and “Confused” struck me. “Doubts” hit me as being a powerful addition to a honest layout.
So here I initially found a kit which helps me, in digital layout format, to explain the side of me that is often not allowed to be explained. But there are more out there like that.
Dedicated 2 Digital has a new one out also. Called Depths of Despair, you certainly wouldn’t initially contemplate it, would you? Words like “Sorrow”, “Weep” and “Empty” hit me. “Sorrow”, “Hopelessness” and “Goodbye” may also have some uses in contemplating many layouts. Perhaps realising the intensity of this kit, it is also advertised as having some kind of bonus from another D2D kit called I Will, I Can.
Michelle@Scrapability
Krista wrote me, and pointed out that these types of layouts, when I do create them, could be easily posted at one particular gallery I do whole-heartedly support - that of DAQ - digital art quirks. Perhaps DAQ just embraces the dark side as well as the lighter side of all of us.
In the meantime, her mail also reminded me - I hadn’t actually published this yesterday, it was saved in draft form. So I was initially surprised by her email - until I remembered - she picks me up via Bloglines. And bloglines picks up most things - even when they are not “officially” made live. Be aware of that one - I was drafting to see if the next day lightened my mood, and instead someone caught me out. But the blog stands anyway, and I haven’t changed anything in it. - I think it’s time that we just started acting naturally around bad mood days, weeks or months.
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Reader Comments (7)
Personally I think dark moods are necessary. Growing up in a household where everyone was supposed to put their happy face on whenever interacting with anyone, I now realize this is a bit surreal. Of course, there are times when you have to pretend you are happy when you are not - work comes to mind here. But I think recognizing our dark moods lets us and those around us know that we are real and human. There doesn't seem to be much reognition of this in the scrapbooking world and I have noticed that posted 'dark' LO get very few comments. We all seem a bit scared of them, myself included. Maybe we are afraid that our comment will be the one that drives them over the edge. And I don't think I've ever seen one published so maybe there is a niche in DAQ. Too bad we have to segragate our sad LO to DAQ and happy ones to the rest of the digital galleries. Hmmm....reminds me of my mom saying "If you are going to be like that, you can go to your room and come out when you can put a smile on your face". I got that a lot....
I have my dark moments too. I suffer with not wanting to create, with being down on every little thing.
I am glad you posted these kits, They look interesting, and we do need other moods and emotions being accepted and mainstreamed enough to do layouts. We are all multi faceted and talented and " hormonal " at times - in other word we are people with feelings.
keep on pushing the edge for us Michelle I am your fan- dark layouts or fluff!
Tamara
Hang in there. :-)
Jeannette (aka Josoliviam)
While reading this passage I would swear you were describing me. I'm at that point in life. I'm a 36 yr old single mom just graduated from College with my BA in IT last month. I'm so lost, I feel depressed a lot it scares me I'm down so much. I take lots of images, but sometimes just can not muster up the energy to create. I'm really trying to find myself. However, I love giving compliments to other and motivating them to create. The URL I used is where my creations are posted on Digital Scrapbook Place. I try to motivate myself my going to the chats there and doing the challenges. Just don't want to, I hope I snap back soon. I truly need to feel this emptiness I'm feeling all the time.
Thanks,
SonDoras
I hope you feel soon and this kit gives you the same release it gave me
I really enjoyed reading your post and thank you for it. It made my day actually and I felt glad I wasn't alone.